The Story of Eleanor Rigby
by rocksfall1
Summary: I wrote this parody for my Spanish class this semester. I have provided it in the original Spanish, the English translation, and the DIRECT!English translation, which I find hilarious.
1. Original Spanish

Eleanor Rigby

Un día, en un pueblo en el campo de Inglaterra, vivía una mujer muy loca que se llamaba Eleanor Rigby. A esta mujer le gustaba mucho ir asustando a los niños del pueblo y a veces a los adultos también, con un disfraz que se llevaba en la cara. Este disfraz era muy feo y espantoso y ella lo guardaba en un jarro cerca de la puerta de su casa. Cuando no llevaba el disfraz, ella actuaba muy normalmente, pero cuando sí lo llevaba, actuaba como si fuera un monstruo.

También en este pueblo vivía un hombre que se llamaba Father McKenzie. Él trabajaba como sacerdote en la iglesia local. Vivía solo, haciendo los quehaceres de la iglesia y preparándose para las misas. Father McKenzie había seguido una vida muy extraordinaria anteriormente, trabajando como vaquero, astronauta, pirata y dentista, pero ahora solamente quería calmarse en un lugar quieto. Desafortunadamente, él escogió el mal lugar.

Todos los días, Eleanor Rigby se escondía detrás de las esquinas y en los callejones, esperando a niños que caminaban por la acera para que pudiera asustar y mandarles corriendo y gritando a casa. También, mientras que iba asustando a la gente, ella causaba mucho ruido, especialmente durante la noche cuando todo el mundo ya se había acostado. La policía trató muchas veces de arrestarla por haber molestado a la gente, pero ella corría más rápidamente que nadie, por eso no tuvo éxito.

Entonces, ocurrió que una noche Eleanor estaba huyendo la policía porque trataba de arrestarla. Ella les había asustado a una anciana y sus nietos que estaban caminando a casa desde un restaurante. Se escondió en la iglesia y se puso la oreja a la puerta para escuchar el paso de la policía. Después de varios minutos, lo oyó. Aliviada, ella se levantó y se dio cuento de que estaba en la iglesia. De repente, oyó un ruido y fue a investigarlo.

Father McKenzie estaba zurciendo sus calcetines en su estudio. Había descubierto muchos agujeros en ellos esa mañana y a él le pareció como si un ratón los hubiera hecho, pero en realidad era sólo que sus calcetines eran muy antiguos. De repente, ¡Eleanor entró en el estudio y empezó a gritar! Le espantó tanto a Father McKenzie que él se cayó de su silla y tiró sus calcetines por todas partes de la sala. Antes de que él pudiera levantarse, Eleanor fue corriendo por el pasillo, todavía gritando. Father McKenzie trató de perseguirla, pero él era viejo y no podía correr tan rápidamente como Eleanor.

-Yo sé capturarla, pensó él.

Regresó a su estudio para construir algunas trampas. Las puso por todas partes de la iglesia y se colocó a esperar. Durante este tiempo, Eleanor todavía estaba corriendo y gritando en los pasillos como si hubiera visto una fantasma.

–Espero que ella no se haya lastimado, dijo él.

Después de más de una hora, ella llegó al lugar donde Father McKenzie había puesto sus trampas, pero ¡era tan rápida que ninguna podía atraparla! Father McKenzie trató de agarrarla, pero otra vez ella era demasiada rápida. Él corrió por el pasillo para perseguirla, pero ella se escondió en una puerta hasta que pasó. Cuando él se paró para descansar, ella salió de su lugar de esconder y comenzó a caminar muy quietamente detrás de él.

Estaba por asustarle a él otra vez, cuando se miró en un espejo a su izquierda. Su propia imagen fue tan horrible con su disfraz espantoso y vestido feo, que en ese momento ella tuvo un infarto y se murió. Father McKenzie oyó el ruido, dobló y vio el cuerpo. Se dio cuento de lo que había pasado.

–Dudo mucho que me crea la gente si le digo como ella se murió. Es probable que vaya a pensar que yo la maté, dijo él.

Por eso, Father McKenzie recogió el cuerpo y lo enterró en el cementerio. Luego huyo a Florida, donde estableció una panadería que tuvo mucho éxito y todos vivían alegres por siempre porque ya podían dormir por toda la noche.


	2. English Translation

Eleanor Rigby

Once upon a time, in a town in the English countryside, lived a very crazy woman who was called Eleanor Rigby. This woman liked very much to go around scaring the children of the town, and sometimes to the adults also, with a mask. This mask was very ugly and frightful, and she kept it in a jar near the door of her house. When she wasn't wearing the mask, she would act very normally, but when she was, she would act as if she were a monster.

Also in this town lived a man who was called Father McKenzie. He worked as the priest in the local church. He lived alone, doing chores for the church and preparing for the masses. Father McKenzie had followed a very extraordinary life previously, working as a cowboy, astronaut, pirate, and dentist, but now he only wanted to settle down in a quiet place. Unfortunately, he chose the wrong place.

Every day, Eleanor Rigby would hide behind corners and in alleys, waiting for young children to walk down the sidewalk so that she could scare them and send them running and screaming home. Also, while she was out scaring people, it would cause a lot noise, especially during the night when everyone had gone to bed. The police often tried to arrest her for annoying people, but she ran faster than anyone, so they were unsuccessful.

Then, it happened that one night Eleanor was running from the police because they were trying to arrest her. She had scared an old woman and her grandchildren who were walking home from a restaurant. She hid in the church and put her ear to the door to listen to the passage of the police, and after several minutes, she heard them go by. Relieved, she rose and realized that she was in the church. Suddenly, she heard a noise and went to investigate it.

Father McKenzie was darning his socks in his study. He had discovered many holes in them that morning, and it seemed to him as if a mouse had made them, but in reality his socks were ancient. Suddenly, Eleanor came into the study and began to scream! It frightened Father McKenzie so much that he fell of his chair, and his socks flew throughout of the room. Before he could get up, Eleanor was running through the corridor, still screaming. Father McKenzie tried to chase her, but he was old and he could not run as quickly as Eleanor.

_I know how to catch her,_ he thought. He returned to his study to construct some traps. He put them all over the church, and sat down to wait. During this time, Eleanor still was running and shouting in the corridors as if she had seen a ghost. "I hope that she hasn't hurt herself," he said.

After more than an hour, she arrived at the place where Father McKenzie had placed his traps, but was so fast that none of them could catch her! Father McKenzie tried to grab her, but once again she was too fast. He ran down the corridor to chase her, but she hid in a doorway until he passed by. When he stopped to rest, she left her hiding place and began to walk very quietly behind him.

She was about to scare him again, when she saw a mirror to her left. Her own image was so horrible with its frightful mask and very ugly dress, that she had a heart attack and died. Father McKenzie heard the noise, turned, and saw the body. He realized what had happened. "I highly doubt that people will believe me if I tell them how she died. They will probably think that I killed her," said he. For that reason, Father McKenzie gathered the body and it buried it in the cemetery. Then he fled to Florida, where he established a very successful bakery, and all lived happily ever after because now they could sleep all through the night.


	3. Direct English Translation

Eleanor Rigby

A day, in a town in the field of England, lived a very crazy woman who was called Eleanor Rigby. To this woman it liked much to be scaring the children of the town, and sometimes to the adults also, with a disguise that took in the face. This disguise was very ugly and frightful, and it kept it in jarro near the door from her house. When it did not take the disguise, she would act very normally, but when yes she took it, she would act as if outside a monster. Also in this town a man lived who was called Father McKenzie. He worked like priest in the local church. He lived single, making the tasks of the church and preparing themselves for the masses. Father McKenzie had followed a life very extraordinary previously, working like cattle tender, astronaut, pirate, and dentist, but now it would only want to calm in a quiet place. Unfortunately, it chose the place badly. Every day, Eleanor Rigby would hide behind corners and in alleys, hoping young that they walked by the sidewalk so that could scare and command running and shouting to house. Also, whereas she was scaring people, it would cause much noise, specially during the night when all already they had lain down. The police often tried to arrest it to bother people, but it ran more quickly than nobody, for that reason she was not successful. Then, it happened that one night Eleanor was fleeing the police because tried to arrest it. It had scared old and her grandsons to them who were walking to house from a restaurant. One hid in the church and it put the ear to the door to listen to the passage of the police, and after several minutes, it heard it. Alleviated, it rose and gave story that was in the church. Suddenly, it heard a noise, and it went to investigate it. Father McKenzie was mending its socks in its study. It had discovered many holes in them that morning, and to him it seemed to him as if a mouse had done them, but in fact their socks were old. Suddenly, Eleanor entered the study and began to shout! It frightened so much to him to Father McKenzie that it fell of his chair and their socks flew throughout of the room. Before he could rise, Eleanor was running through corridor, still shouting. Father McKenzie tried to persecute it, but it was old and he could not run as quickly as Eleanor. - I know to capture it, thought he. It returned to its study to construct some traps. It put them by all sides of the church, and one seated to hope. During this time, Eleanor still was running and shouting in the corridors as if she had seen a ghost. - I hope that it has not hurt itself, he said. After more than one hour, it arrived at the place where Father McKenzie had placed its traps, but was so fast that no could catch it! Father McKenzie tried to take hold it, but it was too much fast one again. He ran by the corridor to persecute it, but it hid in a door until she happened. When it stopped itself to rest, it went of her place to hide and began to walk very quiet behind him. It was about to to scare him again to him, when it saw a mirror its left. Its own image was so horrible with its frightful disguise and a very ugly dress, that then it had an infarct and she died. Father McKenzie heard the noise, it doubled, and it saw the body. Story occurred what had happened. - I doubt much that to me people create if I say to him as she died. It is probable that it thinks that I killed it, said he. For that reason, Father McKenzie gathered the body and it buried it in the cemetery. Soon I flee to Florida, where it established a bakery that was much successful, and all lived glad by always because they already could sleep by all the night.


End file.
